The Four Swords
by Phipette
Summary: There STILL isn't a plot yet. And I had to change the rating to prepare for a few things in chapter 3
1. I like randomness! do you like randomnes...

**Chapter 1: Rantyness And No Plot! YAY!**

  
Disclaimer: I don't own any Zelda characters, his dark materials characters, oh my goddess characters, or star wars copyrights. Since I'm new to ff.net please READ THE WHOLE CHAPTER BEFORE REVIEWING! And )|: is an embarrassment sign. Just turn your head to the left and its sort of like a red-faced anime character.  
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Like many other stories, this one starts out with Zelda beating up Link. After Link said 'I'm bored,' for the 999,999,999,999,999,999th time Zelda finally went insane…  
*BANG, BANG, BANG*  
Link: ow, ow, ow  
Zelda: *steps on link's head* ARE YOU BORED NOW?!  
Impa: *walks into the room* -.- this is going nowhere.  
*Zelda finally got tired and fell asleep instantly*  
Link:…wow…she's actually asleep  
(Zelda drank the coffee river a month ago)  
Impa: yeah  
*Link runs back to kokiri forest just in case Zelda wakes up again*  
************************************************************************  
In the forest:  
Saria: YAY! TELETUBBIES IS ON! (in an annoying little sister voice)  
Link: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!  
Saria: Now you have to watch t.v. with me for the WHOLE HALF HOUR!  
*ties Link up in a chair and tapes his mouth*  
Link: MMPHHDN!!!!!!!!!!  
Saria" (at the top of her lungs) DIPSIE! LALA! PO! TELETUBBIES. TELETUBBIES! SAY HEEELLO! EH-OH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
Link: MKGHGHFKGGHLSDYGHOWEITHWDTHGDTHRKH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
*there's a big thump outside, and Saria goes outside to see what it is while Link just…hops*  
????: what is this place?  
???????: I don't know Will. Looks like the garden behind Lord Boreal's house with tree houses or something.  
Will: well it's better than that place with the giant crazy jellyfish on steroids  
????: I think they're called tentacruel (referring to pokèmon) or something. Hey, look over there!  
Will: Lyra, does that stuff there look like bloodmoss to you 'cause my fingers are still bleeding  
(There's a giant puddle of blood beside Will's foot)  
Lyra: no, besides, it's too hot for bloodmoss to grow here. Maybe there are some 'intelligent' people here who have bandages or something.  
Saria: *runs towards Will and Lyra* HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!  
Will and Lyra: AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! *faints* x_x  
Link: *trips over a branch. It cut the ropes because it was so sharp. Link took the tape off his mouth* SARI…what the? Who are those two? And why's there a puddle of blood. Did you kill them with the sword of annoyingness? Or was it your uglyness?  
Saria: dunno,[I don't have a sword of annoyingness] maybe we should actually try to help them.  
Link: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!  
Saria: no, really. I think we should. Link, you carry the person with the .  
Link: which one?  
Will and Lyra: *wake up* huh?  
Saria: never mind  
Will: who are you? *looks at Link* O.O and why the hell are you wearing a green dress?  
Link: IT'S A TUNIC!  
Lyra: well it's not my fault you were asleep on the floor during your grade 3 medieval clothing unit.  
Link: WHO ASKED YOU!  
Lyra: no one, I was talking to Will  
Link: oh )|:  
Saria: Yay! ENGLISH PEOPLES WITH FUNNY ACCENTS!  
Lyra: what's with her, and your weird accents?  
Link: she can get all hyper instantly without suger or cof...  
Saria: COFFEE! COFFEE! COFFEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!  
Link: or not  
Saria: I'M GOING TO HAVE A SLEEPOVER! ANYONE WANNA COME!.  
Link: but where will we sleep? your house is so friggin' small.  
Saria: I HAVE A SECRET UNDERGOUND BEDROOM!!!  
Link: _STUPID SECRET UNDERGROUND BEDROOM! _I guess I'll pack some things then...*runs home and doesn't come back*  
(in the background)  
Lyra: Will, do you know where Pantalaimon is?  
Will: Nope.  
Pan(mouse formed in Lyra's pocket): _i'm right here, aren't i?_  
************************************************************************  
At the library  
Ruta Skadi: stupid dial-up connection. How can I continue looking for Lyra when this computer is so damn slow!!!  
*Serafina Pekkala walks in with kaisa the goose daemon and she's holding a giant brown bag. The bag probably has something alive in it.*  
Ruta Skadi: umm, what's in the bag?  
Serafina: in here is 2 goddesses who will help you ward off a curse.  
Ruta: okey dokey…oh, here's an e-mail from someone named Maxamillion of the "Pen Show." It says 'cong[rats]! You have been picked [forced] to go live onto The Pen Show where we randomly kidnap His Dark Materials characters and…  
FORCE THEM TO ANSWER OUR STUPID, USELESS QUESTIONS!!!! BWAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!   
Serafina: that's why I brought [kidnapped] these two goddesses.  
*Serafina turns bag upside down.*  
Serafina: their names are Urd and Skuld  
(referring to 2 characters from Oh My Goddess. It's an older anime show)  
Urd: Where's Belldandy? Wasn't she going on and on with a long boring speech about what she should get Keiichi for his birthday.  
Skuld: yeah, and I fell asleep and dreamt of ice cream :)  
Serafina: Hi, would you help us make an ultimate circle of warding?  
Urd: NO!  
Skuld: Urd got a 30-day licence suspension the last time she made one.  
Serafina: but its just one month. Geez.  
Urd: Oh…really?  
Ruta: yeah  
Skuld: I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU DIDN'T KNOW THAT!!! YOU'VE BEEN ON EARTH FOR NINE MONTHS! YOU SAW THE CALANDERS! 1 MONTH IS 30 DAYS! IT'S EVEN LIKE THAT AT HOME! BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH (it still goes on)  
Urd, Ruta, and Serafina: -.-  
*Skuld is still talking*  
Urd: wait a second, why are we helping you?  
  
Mysterious Person in the Background With a Lightsaber Who Can Read and Control Other People's Minds and Was also Controling Urd's Mind Until Now: (in strange, mysterious voice) I really don't know   
  
All Except Skuld: WHO ASKED YOU!  
  
Sjkdgfwe,kjygl: Nobody  
  
Urd: well, now that I know that 30 days is just 1 month I guess I can help. Skuld, you can start working on that program  
*Skuld stops*  
Skuld: I'M STILL TALKING SO SHUT UP!!!!! BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH (goes on again)  
************************************************************************  
  
If you've never read hdm, a daemon is sort of like link's fairy except its in the form of an animal. Younger daemons can change form but older ones can't. I should have the next chapter done by...never mind, I'll start on the third chappy! (mumbles in a quiet shouting voice "_NEED MORE PEPSIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!_ ") 


	2. there goes Link

**Chapter 2: The Book of Mudora**  
**  
**When there's stuff between [ and ] then it's included in what the people say or what's written just so you know. Italics is what they're thinking (obviously), and the book of mudora is from snes zelda.When there's stuff between colins then that's what I'm saying.  
  
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Will and Lyra slept in Saria's secret underground bedroom for one night. Link came to saria's house and Saria tied him up again. Now Link is paranoid from being forced to watch teletubbies for 3 hours because Saria has dvd's with 6 special episodes. In the middle of the night, Link got a phone call from someone who he doesn't know.  
  
Link: (in his sleep, slowly getting louder) no, please, don't, I don't want Lala to take me to teletubbie land! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!  
Link: (awake now) AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!  
*dum du dum dum dum dum dumdum, dum dum du da dum dudumdudum, (to the tune of Deck The Halls)*  
Link: stupid christmas phone ring   
*goes to pick up phone*  
Link: hello?  
?????:Hello Link  
Link: Who is this any ways?  
?????: That's not important  
Link: WHAT! NOT IMPORTANT?!  
?????: -.- Listen, In Zelda's palace there is a lost bookshelf of useless books in the giant library [_labyrinth_]. Here are the directions to get to the end. (_saying directions. it should be done soon_) blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah (_almost done_ ) blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah ( )blah blah blah blah (_it should be done now_) blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah (_or not_) blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah (_It's done now!_)blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah (_not. haha. made u look_) blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blahblah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah (_will this guy ever shut up!_) blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah (_it's actually done!_)  
Link: why should I?  
?????: because,*short, eerie silence* I said so.  
Link: hmmmm, I don't think that's a very good answer...but who really cares! I'll go.  
?????: and whatever you do, DON'T GET LOST! It's called the book of mudora  
Link: who's Mudora?  
?????: i don't know  
Link: are you Mudora?  
?????:NO!  
Link: then who's Mudora?  
?????: i don't know  
Link: are you Mudora?  
?????:NO!  
Link: then who's Mudora?  
?????: i don't know  
Link: are you Mudora?  
?????:NO!  
Link: then who's Mudora?  
*************************************************************************************************  
At The Library   
  
Urd: is it done yet? is it done yet?  
Skuld: NONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONO!  
Ruta Skadi: ...  
Skuld: I think it's finished now.  
Serafina: FINALY!  
Skuld: you people are so impatient  
(actually, she was working on the program for 7 hours now, and she actually stopped ranting! IT"S A MIRACLE!)  
Urd: I'll get the stick thingamajig  
Serafina: but i...  
Urd: It's somewhere in the closet at home  
Serafina: but i...  
Urd: can't listen. I have to go back home to get it  
Serafina: BUT I...  
Urd: Bye!  
Serafina: BUT I HAVE IT RIGHT HERE!  
Urd: oh, really?  
Serafina:*anime fall*  
Ruta: stick thingamajig???  
Serafina: it's for making the circle.  
Ruta: oh, a compass!  
Skuld: I thought that's suppose to help find directions  
Serafina: not that kind  
Ruta: a giant compass?  
Serafina: (getting annoyed) nooooooo  
Ruta: maybe a smaller compass so it's easier to trace around!  
Serafina: (still getting annoyed slowly) noooooooooooooo  
Ruta: I KNOW WHAT IT IS NOW!  
*************************************************************************************************  
In Saria's Secret Underground Bedroom  
  
Saria: HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!  
Will: huh?  
Lyra: don't you remember where we are?  
Will: yeah  
Saria: *sees Will's knife* oooooooooooooooo, shiny! what is it?  
Will: it's a knife  
Saria: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO  
Will: it can cut windows in the air that lead to other worlds. watch. *cuts a random window*  
Saria: what are those things?  
Will: those are *looks into window and sees a herd of elephants on wheels. their really close and their coming closer.(from 3rd book in HDM)* AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!  
Lyra: RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNN!!!!!!!!  
*they all run to the other side of the window*  
When one of the things is about to come through, a person falls off of one.  
Lyra: Dr. Malone????  
Dr. Malone: Hi Lyra. What is this place?  
Lyra: H...How did you get there? Here? Huh?  
Dr. Malone: I reprogrammed the computer to be like your alethiometer. I asked a whole bunch of really stupid and useless questions and I found out that Sir Charles knows about these other worlds. Who's this person?  
Saria: HI OLD LADY!  
Will: she's been like that since yesterday.  
Dr. Malone: not her, you.  
Will: Oh, my name's Will Parry.  
*************************************************************************************************  
At the Palace Entrance  
  
Link: Hi Bob  
Bob (the guard at the entrance): Hi Link. I think Zelda is in a good mood today.  
Link: *gulps nervously* good mood?  
Bob: yupers.  
Link: hmmmmm, maybe I can use that cloak i "borrowed" from Harry Potter to sneak past Zelda  
Bob:Umm, I...  
Link: *going in* bye.  
Bob: uh-oh  
*************************************************************************************************  
At Saria's House (again)  
  
Saria: Do you want some more tea Mr. Fluffy?  
Will: I AM NOT MR. FLUFFY!  
Pantalaimon (rabbit formed): I'M MR. FLUFFY!  
Lyra: no your not. You're Pan.  
Pan: So???  
Lyra: sooooooooooo, your name isn't Mr. Fluffy  
Pan: Well who really cares.  
Lyra: Your not acting like yourself today. Normally you're nagging me about what I should and shouldn't do.  
Pan: No I'm not  
Will: did you have too much candy?  
Pan: no, BUT WHO CARES? HAHOHAHOHAHOHAHOHA!  
Saria: O.o even I'm not that crazy  
Will: Something's wrong. and my fingers or whats left of them are still bleeding  
Pan: HOHAHOHAHOHAHOHAHOHAHOHAHOHAHOHA!  
Lyra: OH NO! PAN HAS A HORRIBLE, MENACING DISEASE CALLED SARI-ITIS! AND IF HE HAS SARI-ITIS, SO DO I! SO I HAVE AN EXCUSE TO BE CRAZY!  
Will: Unfortunately_, Lyra and Pan are connected by some invisible rope that makes them both the same person. __  
__(gets sneaky smile on his face) __But if I cut that rope..__ ._  
*************************************************************************************************  
At The Library  
  
Serafina: You can can give it up it now Ruta...  
Ruta: Why now? Why not tomorrow? Why now? Why not yesterday?  
All: O.o  
*Urd calls upon the wind and togetherness thingy, nothing happens*  
Urd: Huh? Why didn't it work? WHAT HAPPENED????  
Skuld: ...I guess you'll have to make it from scratch! HAHAHAHAHAHA, LUCKY YOU, *laughs louder* HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
Urd: *grunts out*Ya, lucky...*grumbles*  
Ruta: Is it done yet?  
Urd: No  
Serafina: How much longer?  
Urd: A little while  
Ruta: How long is a little while?  
Urd: I'll tell you when  
Serafina: Ok  
*5 minutes later*  
Ruta:Is it done yet?  
Urd: No  
Serafina: How much longer?  
Urd: A little while  
Ruta Skadi: How long is a little while?  
Urd: I'll tell you when  
Serafina: Ok  
*5 minutes later*  
Ruta: Is it done ye....  
Urd: NO AND IT'LL NEVER BE IF YOU KEEP TALKING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
Ruta: oooooooo...why?  
Urd:ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH  
Skuld: um....Ruta....Serafina...why don't you come to the waiting room.  
Serafina: I don't think we have one...do we?  
Ruta: I dunno...hmmm...i'm suspicous...i don't think we...  
Skuld: YOU DO NOW!!!!!!!!! COME ON!!!!!!!!!!!!  
Serafina: Wow! Renovations are quicker than I expected, you must give me their number!  
Skuld: ...ok....1-800-FOOL....k?  
Serafina: Wow! How dignified!  
Skuld: yes...very...  
*************************************************************************************************  
In the Palace  
  
Link: *sneaks past Zelda*  
Zelda: Hello stupid. Link, YOU LEFT ME BEHIND WITHOUT CARING ABOUT ME YOU INCONSIDERATE LITTLE B*****!(sorry, it's only PG unfortunately)  
Link: B-but how did you see me? I thought I *looks for cloak* forgot?  
*Harry Potter randomly appears*  
Harry: AND DON'T COME BACK!*vanishes*  
Zelda: About my revenge...  
Link: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!*runs faster than light*  
Zelda:*runs faster than Link*  
(look! Bob is watching!)  
Bob: I tried to tell you but you wouldn't listen.  
(Link and Zelda are running in circles. Link starts running a different direction and towards the giant library (_labyrinth_).)  
Zelda (swinging a giant mace): RRRRAAAAAAAAAAARRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
*Link swings around a corner and hides under a bookshelf. There's a gigantic book under there*  
Link: _I never thought I'd have to read a book to pass the time   
*_Link looks on the cover, It says "Book of Mudora"_*  
Link: what's a mudora?  
*_Link opens the book. The first few words he sees says:  
Mudora (~900a.c.|noun) means really useless stuff thats really old and forgotten*  
Link: _Yay! __I learned a new word!_  
*mu ( ~899 a.c.|verb) means useless*  
Zelda: You can't hide anymore Link! I have this Link-searcher-finder that you gave me for my birthday!  
Link: uh-oh...  
*a giant portal suddenly appears on the floor and Link falls in without zelda*  
  
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Witch-Of-The-Black-Forest wrote the library part in this chapter. She also wrote a fic called The Prettyful Show which is at http://www.fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=928636. I'm also working on something called The Pencil Project where I ask a random person in real life 6 questions to find out more about them. Then you being the reader can submit crazy questions to ask the person I picked. I named it after The Pencil Show which is at http://www13.brinkster.com/hikaness/tps/main.html. I should have the 6 questions to ask when I write the next chapter.   



End file.
